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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes I'm recorded while I’m eating. It's jarring to spot myself on her social media – it feels like a jumpscare.

A close companion of a decade, she, labels herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a short while, but it strains our friendship.

She is an extrovert, she feels the need to document everything all the time. During meals out, her motto is, “The phone eats first,” and takes photos with the flash on, which makes me cringe. It's unpleasant when strangers see her performing for the camera – I get vicarious awkwardness. Another annoyance is because meals lose their warmth.

She isn’t exactly an online personality yet, but Marielle is trying to be. She creates video blogs about living in our city, a day in her life, and her styling career. Her content is good, I’ll give her that, but I prefer not to be involved. Sometimes I'm captured while I’m eating, or simply tagging along. Later, I appear on her Instagram afterwards, and it comes like a jumpscare: I’ll have no makeup on, an awkward face or photographed mid-bite. It feels invasive.

Marielle also anticipates that I will to film her at inconvenient times. Sometimes I’ll be talking to someone else, or we’ll just be hanging out in the street. I feel like our bond has turned into me serving as her unpaid videographer. She could easily hire someone if she wanted professional shots. When I brought up my discomfort about the situation, she brushed it off. I've been invited to a couple of industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the time and effort I spend helping her create material.

I’m grateful that Marielle has helped me with my design career, but I don’t want our friendship to become just a ledger of favours. I don't believe she's insincere or dishonest, but at times I feel that if recording starts, we will begin acting in a way that presents a favorable image for her channel.

Her directive is, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and film me smiling with someone. It feels forced. It's crucial her to understand that our decade-long friendship still has limits. I love spending time with her, but I also want to enjoy it without being recorded, edited, or posted for an audience. I’m not a prop for her online persona.

The Other Side: The Content Creator's View

I hope Beth to see that the content we make together can get us an opportunity.

I love creating videos. It’s not just a pastime; it’s part of who I am. Creating videos and sharing my life online allows me to show my personality and connect with people in novel forms.

I wouldn't label myself as a full influencer yet, but it’s smart to generate income from your passions. I admire people on social platforms who execute that aesthetic of informal, self-made film-making.

Creating content is my version of engaging with life: observing the details, posting them with an viewership that appreciates the art behind it. I never intend to make my friend uneasy. Bringing her to industry events was my method of sharing opportunities, giving her a opportunity to experience behind-the-scenes moments that could help her professional path too. That’s not blackmail, it’s just being realistic.

I would take her to these events even if she refused to assist me, but I desire her to see the benefits the content we make together can achieve: an opening. I know not all people enjoys being on camera, but sometimes unplanned moments is what makes content genuine. Being recorded occasionally is part and parcel of being my companion. I'd remove anything she requested, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don’t expect anyone to be my personal filmmaker, but companions help each other in small ways. I thought filming a short video now and then would be enjoyable for her. Innovation flourishes in collaboration, and having my friend around makes endeavors energetic and enjoyable. I don't compel her to participate in anything, and I would never deliberately humiliate her. But creating content jointly sometimes is part of how I record our time together.

I cherish Beth’s friendship profoundly and want to avoid making videos to come between us. I’m willing to find middle ground: like asking before recording, and avoiding angles that might make her uncomfortable.

This isn’t about power, it’s about expressing my perspective while still considering hers. Obviously making content is not a substitute for real connection: it's merely part of how I live my life and I desire her to be included in a way that’s agreeable for each of us.

The Jury: Public Sentiment

Should Marielle stop filming herself and her friend when they are out together?

There’s nothing more excruciating than having a friend point a camera at you. I understand that it's her job, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my work. Maybe she can find like-minded creators to collaborate with. With the uncertain future of technology, human connections are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
Liberty, 25

If you’re doing something professionally, it's unfair to expect your friends for help repeatedly, even if they have done it before. While she enjoys creating, that doesn’t mean everyone around her is willing material. She needs to honor Beth’s privacy.
Another reader, 26

She may enjoy producing videos and showing off her life online, but it’s not for everybody. It was kind she has helped Beth’s career, but she needs to hear what Beth wants.
A commenter, 27

It seems like you care about each other, so cling to that and ensure it’s the priority in your relationship. Create some authentic memories, where true emotions are stored, not digital scrapbooks. Even celebrities who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more secrecy than it seems.
One opinion, 53

Marielle appears to be neither present nor authentic when they're together – she’s working. Each appears confused as to what’s reasonable. The solution lies not in trying to alter one another, but in each establishing clear limits around what feels acceptable to them and seeing if there is an mutually agreeable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: has she been over-exposing their bond?